A dog can be a child's best friend ? great confidant, best listener and most loyal partner no matter what. Never critical, a dog will listen to tales of woe and lick away the tears. A dog is something warm and loving to hug and to hold when the chips are down.

Children who grow up with a dog learn assertiveness, discipline, sharing and love. Owning a dog can be a wonderful experience for a child, but both the puppy and the child need to learn some basic rules. If your family is acquiring a dog, the following guidelines will be helpful.

Petting the dog

The child needs to learn that the dog may not enjoy being poked and prodded ? that either can actually hurt. Parents MUST supervise any physical handling of the dog by the child, such as when the child wants to see how the dog's teeth are different from his own. Tails, ears and hair are not made for pulling?even though they may seem perfect for that purpose. Demonstrate ON the child how to pet the dog. Then show the child how to pet the dog: how to stroke with the direction of the coat, how to scratch around the ears and how to rub the tummy.

Explain why wrestling with the dog is not a good way to play. Wrestling teaches the dog to use her strength against the weaker owner, and it teaches the dog that she can win in a match of strength. Instead, show a child retrieving games he can play with the puppy. Teach a child the words that mean ?drop the ball,? and show the child how to throw a toy or ball for a dog to chase. Explain to the child that the puppy's toys are not for him or her to run away with, or the puppy will chase and try to take it away.

Dogs get excited when a child screams and runs. A child who is frightened by a dog should not be left alone with the dog until the child trusts the dog and knows how not to get it excited. Demonstrate to the child how yelling shrilly and running away causes the puppy to start barking and jumping. Then demonstrate how the child can calm the dog and protect herself from harm. The method used depends on the child's age and the size difference between the child and the dog.

An older child can stand still, arms folded over the chest or near the face, and tell the puppy in a deep voice, ?No! Shame on you! That's enough!? This must be practiced under parental supervision so the child knows how to do it and the puppy knows what it means.

Teach a smaller or younger child to roll up in a ball with the arms protecting the face and the hands tucked in. Again, make sure the child practices rolling into a ball?treat it as a game?and practice often enough that the child is comfortable with the action and the puppy knows that this action means the game is over.

Taking care of the dog

A young child cannot be responsible for the dog's upkeep, but he or she can help. Show the child how to fill the water bowl, and explain that dogs get thirsty just as people do. Let the young owner count the scoops of dog food, and explain why the puppy might get defensive around its food. Show the proper way to brush the coat, and compare it with brushing the child's hair.

Also the puppy needs to learn some important rules. These must be enforced by a parent, especially in the beginning, because most young children won't be able to command a pup's respect on their own.

Teach the pup that all people, even small ones, rank above her in the pack order.

• Show the child how to discipline a young puppy by grasping the scruff of the neck and saying in her deepest voice, ?that's enough!? The parent should always be there to back up the child's correction.

• Don't let the pup dash through an open door; instead, teach her to wait until the person has walked through first.

• Teach the puppy not to jump on people and not to use her mouth on anyone. The puppy also needs to learn that mounting a child?or anyone else?is forbidden.

Even when a good relationship is established, parental supervision is still necessary?for those times when dog or child forgets the rules. The friendship between a dog and a child is a special one. A dog can be a child's best friend.